you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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