Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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