is your mom at the bar?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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