I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize