The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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