Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
