I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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