how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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