paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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