i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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