Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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