were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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