I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
