he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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