I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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