Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
