I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
