that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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