I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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