why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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