You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
