HIV tests are more positive than that guy
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
