Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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