You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
