Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize