The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
