you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Floor bacon is actually really good
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
