Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
