it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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