I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
