Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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