after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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