I skipped work to stalk him.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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