We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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