Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
