just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
