sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
