I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
