why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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