im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
