My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
