I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
