Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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