I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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