Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
