you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
