I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
