just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
