I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
