we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
