I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
