fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
