last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
