i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
