? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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