Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
