listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
