So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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