This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
ttyl tear gas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
