Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize