my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
