A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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