I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
