Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
