why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
