Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
