Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
