After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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