I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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