I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
