what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this hospital has no fireball
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
