You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
