I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
