Who did Billy Mays play for?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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