i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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