you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
