at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
