You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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