I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
