just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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