Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
