she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
