I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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